Australia's political Future

I’ve managed to find the controversial figure who leads the Australian Australia Movement, Brian XY, who has been in hiding since receiving death threats for advocating increasing immigration, and doing what ever it takes to secure Australia’s future for the next 100 years. Here is part 1 of an interview with him.

BCO: Brian, do you know who is behind the death threats?
BXY: The calls were made from a public telephone box. I could hear a baby screaming in the background, the sound of a Kombi van being revved and a woman with dreadlocks saying “hurry up”. The caller used the words, “like, “man”, ‘bro”, and “uncool” a lot. I have also received death threats in the mail, all written on re-cycled paper and sent in pre-used envelopes.
BCO: So you think eco-terrorists are behind the death threats? How could you tell from a phone call that the woman had dreadlocks?
BXY: Let’s just say if you find out my last name, I’ve been murdered.
BCO: What are you policy positions. Let’s start with the economy.
BXY: The economy is important that’s why I am economical with policies on economy.
BCO: But that’s not a policy.
BXY: Like I said, my position is the opposite of the opposition. So have a look at their policies and then you will know mine are not theirs, there the opposite. That’s my policy.
BCO: But you are not in government. You don’t have any opposition.
BXY: Let me state my opposition to Kombi driving hippies with dreadlocks.
BCO: Developing Northern Australia will mean engaging with indigenous populations. What do you intend to do about indigenous disadvantage?
BXY: I fully support indigenous disadvantage but I also support equality. I will make disadvantage available to every one regardless of religion.
BCO: But indigenous peoples are not a religion, they are nations of dispossessed peoples.
BXY: We will make religion available to everyone so they can all be equally disadvantaged by irrational beliefs.
BCO: But how will you improve health and education outcomes for indigenous people living in remote places who tend to lack the confidence and skills to integrate into mainstream society.
BXY: By sacking all the public servants currently servicing remote indigenous communities.
BCO: How will that improve the situation?
BXY: Without reporting lines, we just won’t get any reports on the situation. No news is good news. Problem solved.
BCO: What’s your policy position on Climate Change and Emissions Trading?
BXY: The climate changes, that’s what it does. Personally I am praying for the ice caps to melt. It would get rid of that pesky reef and provide awesome surf breaks in Northern Australia. Additionally, we will have a huge increase in the amount of coastal realty. What a bonanza. The gondola and water taxi industries will also grow susbstantially.
BCO: Do you support an Emissions Trading Scheme?
BXY: Tax them any way you can, just don’t increase income tax.
BCO: We have to leave it there for now Brian. Good luck with your campaign and surviving the death threats.
BXY: Thanks Billy, Remember to never drive Kombi vans.